i love you on earth,

"mama, i love you" said finn suddenly--& urgently! tonight--"i love you on earth" he said

heart melt all over!

and now i am thinking the thing is, to just be fine, that is all we need.

just be fine.

i do dishes and worries start to pile up, worries & self-criticisms. when actually all i need to do is plan class tomorrow.

all will be well and i can be fine.

and you can be fine, we can be fine.

three quotes from fanny howe because this book, The Winter Sun, has been so good to me lately (piercing):

these are two doctrines yeats believed in, as quoted by fanny howe:

"1)That the borders of the mind are ever shifting, and that many minds can flow into one another, as it were, and create or reveal a single mind, a single energy.
2)That the borders of our memories are as shifting, and that our memories are part of one great memory, the memory of Nature herself."

here's howe:

"Are we in for a surprise?
The future is like magic. It wears no robes or veils but arrives naked, tossing its surprises to the right and to the left. How does it arrive? It neither comes from ahead nor do we enter it running. This is beacause it and we can only approach what is always coming toward it and us."

"Even while I have gone back over the words, i have never been sure of the need for it, the use of writing at all, the value of any completed poem, or the idea that writing might lead somewhere. I haven't really known what I was doing, only that I would keep on doing it."


"The winter has returned. The warmth that signaled spring has been replaced by an angry frost. The arms of the pines lift and drop in concession to a low wind. . .Someone only yesterday told me that the harm we have done to the world is now irreversible. At the same time we can finally look through a telescipe strong enough to see the beginning of the universe. It is not a beginning if it can be seen still happening from where we stand on earth. The cardinal whistles at the top of a spectral elm, or is someone writing on a slate of air?"

joys

joys story
Hello! We had our holidays and made some things--that was fun. Note: singing is a form of wisdom. Note: just want to throw this pen down and start living again. I mean throw this computer down. Note: "To resist the reality of time is to resist leaving childhood behind" (Fanny Howe). Note: "One day the sun admitted, I am just a shadow. I wish I could show you the infinite incandescence that cast my brilliant image. I wish I could show you (when you are lonely or in darkness) the astonishing light of your own being." (Hafiz via Fanny Howe). Also, I feel so much better when I feel loving going on in me, like wheels. When I can love openly. A big part of me is full of love, leftover holiday love but it's real, amazingly. I didn't know it could happen actually. Note: singing is not a form of wisdom it is what it is. I still wish I sang more, opened my throat. Miss it. Don't be embarrassed for me!

three boys nursing their babies (noam, jasper, finn):;;;;;;

creative finn::::::;

animal drawings pillow made for uncle james:::::::::::::;


two sleepytime owls made for a niece and a nephew:::::::

karla kuskin poem (one of my fave kid's poets) and painting made for another niece:

star city made by finn for his friend's birthday::::::;


papa and finnegan:::::::::::::::::

glitter cards:::;;;;;

the owl holds a leaf:::::::;;


cousins!:::::::;