and i must say that while i do feel much happier lately than i have in quite awhile, the insidious thing about blogs is how they create a shiny surface gloss of one's entire life. seems ill to me; seems a lie. humm. well i'll say that i have come to a new understanding of the word 'difficult' in the past 6 months or so. good & difficult, good and difficult, Good and Difficult. that's how it's been. i am hoping to approach life now with an appreciation of that;;;; and with a deliberateness, that i hope will come to bear on this space here/ blog-space brain-space. i am setting forth across this summer, boots on you know. poet! mother! wife! teacher!? child!? person! person! person! and who?
i will also say, funny enough, that i've been reading the book, by st. john of the cross called//Dark Night of the Soul// and this quote is analogous to what i feel i've been doing! (mentally/spiritually/physically)::::;;;
"And so the soul finds herself rejecting the things of God and yet harvesting no benefit on her own. In searching for spirit, she actually loses the spirit of peace and tranquility in which she has been spontaneously dwelling. She is like someone who abandons what he has been doing in order to turn around and do it all over again, or someone who leaves the city only to come right back and reenter it. . ."
in other words, i realize that i know nothing.
"In searching for spirit, she actually loses the spirit of peace and tranquility in which she has been spontaneously dwelling."
ReplyDeleteI, too, have felt this so strongly lately. And one day I wrote a long reflection (reflection being a thing I very much value) on faith, on my problems with it and wishes for it, and it felt good to write so, but yes, knowing nothing. . . I will read this book!