finished quilt + dandelions+ violets+ planted basil= a good day

Everything Hard is Blessing Us (been collecting some wisdom, some star-seed. . .)

i still have no camera, and it is making me sad. soon the semster will be over and i will get a new one, i think. in the meantime here are some things that have been affecting me quite a bit; been doing some reading on buddhism & the like & of course poems: books that are quoted from down below: "buddhism for mothers" by sarah napthali, "when things fall apart" by pema chodron, "coming to our senses" by jon kabat-zinn,"ten thousand lives" by ko un, "firekeeper" by pattiann rogers.

happy may!
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"It may be when we no longer know what to do we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey."
--wendell berry
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"Accepting the mystery in life, refusing to jump to our usual automatic conclusions, a humble attitude of not-knowing--these are what help us to be open and sensitive in all our interactions."--sarah napthali

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"When you yearn for things that you cannot name and you grieve not knowing the course, be certain that you are growing as all things that grow, and rising towards your higher self."--kahlil gibran
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the "vein of gold" is "the area in which you are most truly yourself and from which your gifts and interests mesh and interact most smoothly and powerfully."
--julia cameron
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poem by Pattiann Rogers::


The Family Is All There Is

Think of those old, enduring connections
found in all flesh--the channeling
wires and threads, vacuoles, granules,
plasma and pods, purple veins, ascending
boles and coral sapwood (sugar-
and light-filled), those common ligaments,
filaments, fibers and canals.

Seminal to all kin also is the open
mouth--in heart urchin and octopus belly,
in catfish, moonfish, forest lily,
and rugosa rose, in thirsty magpie,
wailing cat cub, barker, yodeler,
yawning coati.

And there is a pervasive clasping
common to the clan--the hard nails
of lichen and ivy sucker
on the church wall, the bean tendril
and the taproot, the bolted coupling
of crane flies, the hold of the shearwater
on its morning squid, guanine
to cytosine, adenine to thymine,
fingers around fingers, the grip
of the voice on presence, the grasp
of the self on place.

Remember the same hair on pygmy
dormouse and yellow-necked caterpillar,
covering red baboon, thistle seed
and willow herb? Remember the similar
snorts of warthog, walrus, male moose
and sumo wrestler? Remember the familiar
whinny and shimmer found in river birches,
bay mares and bullfrog tadpoles,
in children playing at shoulder tag
on a summer lawn?

The family--weavers, reachers, winders
and connivers, pumpers, runners, air
and bubble riders, rock-sitters, wave-gliders,
wire-wobblers, soothers, flagellators--all
brothers, sisters, all there is.

Name something else.


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(paraphrased) from pema chodron's book When Things Fall Apart,
here are Three Methods to Deal With Chaos & Difficulty:::

1. no more struggle:::::::meditate; relax as is; accept; work with the monster in your mind; say "hi demons it's wonderful you demons came!"

2. poison as medecine:::::::use difficult situations as fuel for waking up; feel the bad things, breathe them in, breathe in others' pain as well, and let it out on exhale; tonglen meditation (take your hurt and turn it to love)

3. regard what arises as sacred, a manifestation of wisdom::::::world is sacred; instead of looking for something else, work with what is
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poem by Ko Un:

Hui-ja

With hands still wet from washing dishes, she goes out
to the black alder grove, and cries to her heart's
content until

her dead mother's face appears. Star-seed sprinkled in the
sky, stars appear.

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two things i love the most

i have been putting two birthday packages together for two dear friends since february! but i think, i think i may be able to send them off this week, actually.

as a result of package-putting-together activities, today, i got to do something i love so much:::which is, listen to a mix that i made, all in a row, deliciously. . .and! while listening, was able to do another thing i love almost more than anything else ever::::paint on the porch with my boy, on a gorgeous blooming sunny day:::::::(and, even got to document it which i also love! ((using the old camera since we still can't find our camera)) )

love to all of you and may you do things you love nearly all the time!

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update on my situation:: i didn't get the job. . . but i'm not crushed and in fact excited, trying to see it as opportunity to figure more things out. . . so don't worry about me and thanks for all your positive thoughts sent my way. . .

a blessing, love images

i wrote this in my notebook this week:

"When I have forgiven myself and remembered who I am, I will bless everyone and everything I see." (from where? i will find out, didn't write where in my notes)

i have also been compiling love images:

1. a pregnant belly being rubbed by a loving partner with coconut lotion
2. receiving three juicy letters in one day in your mailbox, from faraway friends
3. the room in which you were born, full of shadows and water and your parents when they were young, and alive, and welcoming of you
4. a poem written to you by your first love
5. planting violets in black earth with your 2-year-old son in April. . .
6. playing music with friends, eyes closed, listening to each other.

adjectives iowa everything

today driving finn to the doctor hoping he didn't have an ear infection (he didn't: just his molars paining him) we crossed over the iowa river of course.

iowa river! finn said.

yes! i replied. and you live in iowa city!

iowa people!--he said, pointing at the iowa people. on iowa bikes! he said.

iowa crane! he said pointing at the crane.

iowa clouds!

iowa puddles!

iowa bells!

iowa sidewalks!

iowa mountains!

I also like this right now

from William Stafford poem "Vocation"::::




Now both of my parents, the long line through the plain,
the meadowlarks, the sky, the world's whole dream
remain, and I hear him say while I stand between the two,
helpless, both of them part of me:
Your job is to find what the world is trying to be.

spring, soon::: & Super Moon to you!

tonight the moon is the closest it gets to earth!

we have lost our camera, so these photos are from the video camera. . .

they are some bits and pieces from the spring break that has gone by, i'm afraid. . .

we went to the zoo;

we fed goats, who suctioned granola off the palms of our hands like anteaters;

sat on lions;

sat on dinos.

we got lost and crossed/re-crossed the mississippi river 5 times.

before all that, we had impromptu jump-on-the-bed sade dance parties with ellie & lauren.

now: now spring break is almost over and this soon-inteview that has been hanging over my head (my excitement, my nervousness) will soon be over. . .think good thoughts for me this tuesday--for that is the day! (and when i say day, i mean like all day--the interview is from 8:30 am to 3:30! gulp)

and then i will be on the other side of this thing called the applying/interviewing process for fulltime teaching. . .and just awaiting the news. . .

and hopefully back in better connection with the living & awesome parts of the world-

patience, patience.


(happy spring & happy super moon! & may you kiss a crocus as if you were an anteater)