scatterfish and enormous normous

tenderness story/ ancient runes introduction i want to post a special post soon, of all finn photos: because he has been taking them. first somehow here is the story, though, of tenderness time, of allowing yourself sacred time. real time. space and time. a few things i have learned in the past six months or so (hopefully i have learned, i mean)and hopefully they will help you too maybe, i mean, i mean: --Drink two glasses of water when you first wake up! --Walking is always good. Doubly so, in woods. Walking by water is good. --Honoring yourself & your own creative impulses is good. making space and time to do that. --It is helpful to think of the spaciousness of your own mind, in order to "make space and time" also: Be tender towards yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or stars. You are enough. There are peaks and valleys. There is joyfulness at the base of things. Loss is never resolved; there is no such thing as the resolution of loss. Acknowledging that loss and sadness are a deep sacred part of life, just like happiness and peace, will help you. Acceptance of love and death and anger and illness. Nothing will go exactly as planned. Nothing is for sure. Life is worth it. Clarity won't necessarily fix things. Love isn't solveable or conjureable-- love is in the exchange of love, an alchemical thing. "We are what's important" (from Brene Brown's Ted Talk, "The Power of Vulnerability") People, friends, loved ones: We are each other's reasons. The purpose of life is to live with love and connect to each other. It is the purpose of a dream. And love is gold. At times I've wondered where it is. It's here, it's here, it's here. . . the actual tenderness story the boat and the sea open up before us. star, moon, irises. transit of venus is just like us! we are a freckle of love traveling across the sun. we work hard for time, space, and an understanding of happiness. but also, "the value of play is that it frees us from the effort of learning, frees us to learn as children learn. . ." (from the book of runes). we paint watercolors and all is well and joyful. the world shows its abundance, abundantly. finn, of course, gets a haircut in early june. we walk around the neighborhood. the love we build appears to continue on without us, and with us on its back. i draw the rune of joy and light: odin's rune. mother's day is the best mother's day. i walk, feel, write, and paint. we plant a garden and miraculously plants grow. the boy loves his dog.we pick red ripe strawberries and stain our fingers: we make a pie. the boy has wings. we are visited by an amazing uncle bran and eat delicious food. the boy makes a chalk drawing called scatterfish and enormous normous. summer is wading pools, swings, the fountain in downtown iowa city with the wonder twins, and long good days, fireflies at the end. decisions, runes, trying to understand what to do next. reading and writing and crafting resolutions: i always make them in summer. it doesn't matter. the garden grows and i paint and think about moving. when i think about love, it is my friends as children, at the start of themselves, that i think of. that is the actual tenderness i mean: thinking about others not because they're like us but because they are us. i won't eat you. i will paint some more. there will be soil crumbling, i will know your aches and you will know mine. our aches glue us. we are what's important. i know that one can live this way, hopeful and grateful. one can also live negative and doubtful. you have your gifts, which wake up. it has awoken in finn that he sings: makes up songs to himself. it has awoken in his friend ani (whom we spend the majority of our days with, too) that she is funny and tells long ecstatic absurd surreal jokes. have you ever heard the weirdest humor of the three-year-old? the rune of joy and light is the rune in which understanding is transmuted from knowledge. empathy is more interesting than narcissism. what is yours will come to you. i have not failed: the situation is joy and light. persist, said the may calendar, all month long. i'm trying. "I keep trying and I keep failing" (Arielle Greenberg) "Make up stories until you find one you can live with." (Lidia Yuknavitch) there are infinite ways to make a family, a home, a self.